Breathe in, and, now, breathe out. Do it a few more times. Now, settle down. Feel better?
Openly expressing your relationship woes, in a public forum, takes a lot of courage. I commend you. Think about it this way, maybe, just maybe, the person named Lotus Notes, whom you were in love with, did not deserve you. That's their loss. Hey, it's a funny name, for a person, anyway.
By the way, I have heard that a bouquet of red roses, at times, does magic... makes them forgive you and take you back. You might want to try that, one last time, before giving up. You never know, you might just get lucky. If that doesn't work, there is, always, eHarmony. Don't worry, it is just a matter of time. You will fall in love again. Not everything is lost. Keep you chin up, Francis, and don't give up. If nothing else works, then, there is Dr. Phil. Call him.