I think the problem is the clients aren't supporting a new presence state Carl Tyler 5.Nov.07 03:04 PM Lotus Notes Client 7.5.1 CF1Windows
Whilst apps like Trillian, AOL etc. have been updated, I've a feeling that the presence state for Sametime gateway is a little different hence the icon showing sametime for users. That's my guess anyway.
I don't see how anyone can blame IBM for this, they have a contract with AOL, the contract states how they communicate to the AOL system. How AOL reflects that to users on their network is up to AOL. All the clients you mention aren't sanctioned by AOL, so I doubt they care.